To say that I have missed and longed for..."MY" time here to write, babble, think out loud and just share all of everything that is the randomness that is happening in my little world...well that would be "The Great Understatement"!
Where to begin...
Between my daily life of going to work each day, my home life, chores here at home, finding and MAKING time to be with and to spend with my beloved husband, times of helping our precious possum (who has now moved out on her own...be still my heart), and trying so hard to stay in touch with our son who has been deployed AGAIN since March, combined with all the many things such as groceries to get, yard work to keep up with, and various family gathering events, and not last but certainly it is most important...church. It seems that I most definitely have NOT enough time in my days to accomplish all that my life, my family, my job and everything else seemingly demands of me. Yet I continue to try every day.
My job...well what can I say. It it wonderful at times...and NOT so wonderful at other times. I am most grateful to have a job in today's economy (even if, NOW more than ever before I long to be home and to do what is my hearts greatest desire...oh well) yet, I am once again questioning whether or not I should be there! I detest Liars(!!!!!!), and it seems that I am faced with that one obstacle regularly and more so now than ever before. This should "NOT BE" a thing I should be faced with...within a Ministry. Yet, I find on a regular basis that I am. I keep my mouth shut and take my hurt and disappointments with this to my heavenly father. I have no peace any longer about working there anymore. It is a very stressful job and a very stressful place to work at times, yet those "times" of stress, which for a season had gone away, are back with a vengeance. Now that stress is once again combined with what appears to be greed, lies and so much more. AND on top of it all I was told "do not tell anyone...even my husband! I was given instruction not to tell my husband anything!" REALLY???? I was told this!!!
To say that I was angry, hurt & disappointed in someone for whom I had come to gain respect for, and even had a wonderful working relationship with, would be an understatement!!! I HAVE told my husband, and talked with him (and NOW-ONE will ever keep me from that!!!!! I do not care who they are or who they
THINK they are...I tell my husband everything! And that is how it should be! To instruct me to keep secrets from him or to LIE to him.....I cannot begin to express how WRONG that is, now how it hurt when that someone told me to do such a thing as that! I have now lost ALL respect for that person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are so many other things which I know now, since I having worked now for many, many years, and it has proven to be, over and over, a disappointment which continues to grow almost daily, and to cause me to doubt many things, many people, and many happenings with in many (although NOT ALL) Ministries, Minister's and Missionaries. Maybe I was naive, ignorant and unaware, and yet, I now wish I were still naive, ignorant and unaware of the greed, lies, falsehoods, exaggerations of many, and so much more. Ignorance truly can be blissful at times. For where some measure of ignorance is...blind faith, complete trust and unending love for so much can flow ever so freely and without any hesitation. Now...I no longer have that blind faith or complete trust in so many things where missionaries, ministers and ministries (or some of them anyway) are concerned. How this pains me ever so deeply within! How this has caused great hurt within me...words cannot describe! How these actions have caused me to loose respect for some...I fear it is nearly irreparable.
What I regularly must tell myself, remind myself and ask the Lord to help me with, is that NOT all who are in Ministry, or are Ministers or Missionaries are that way!!! I pray harder now...more than ever for those who have been part of the above described things, and I leave it with the Lord!
So....now I find myself beginning all over again, in many areas. I just pray the Lord will continue to help each of us in what ever way the Lord sees fit and in the areas where they are needed, and that the Lord will continue to help me to not be bitter, and to forgive! For none of us are perfect! This I must remind myself....daily!
My Darling Possum...
Has now moved out on her own. She is now 27 years old and she felt it was time to be on her own. Although in many respects...this is true, and being on her own I know will be good for her in many, many ways, it is always difficult, no matter how necessary, when your child leaves the safety and comfort of home. It is...strange for her to NOT come home...here every evening, yet we support her decision. We pray for her everyday, and we still talk to her daily...and these shall never change! We are Proud of her!
My Marine...
Oh how we have missed him! Words will never be found to fully describe the full extent of emptiness at the knowing how far away he has been, the possible dangers he has been in and so much more. Yet the joy and excitement at knowing he is coming home so soon...inexplicable! We have prayed for him daily! He will be out of the Marine's before Christmas! Praise God! Oh how this mother's heart has missed and longed for her son!
My Beloved...My Heart...My Every Breath...My Husband...
How I love him so! Maybe, I think, maybe to much at times. Is that possible? Can you love your husband too much? I think NOT! Everything about him is...precious to me! I take nothing for granted! I adore every moment we are together! I long for him and his love...endlessly! He is so supportive of me and the trials I have been dealing with this past summer with my health, and now with my job! He was so worried for me and my health this summer as I faced 2 possible types of Cancer. I was put through much testing for Colon Cancer, and for Breast Cancer. Well...my Colon testing found some precancerous polyps which were removed and all that remains is to be vigilant with follow up testing for a few years. Praise the Lord! My Gyno and I discovered several lumps in both breasts and many are VERY large! To say she, I and my sweet Bob were worried...UNDERSTATEMENT of the year! My specialist for the breast biopsy's was very concerned that after all the tests were done...it would prove to be breast cancer for certain. To say that Bob and I prayed hard...yet another understatement! Yet with all these possible cancer testings going on simultaneously for colon and breast cancer...we have grown even closer! Praise God! Bob and I kept things quiet for a long time while much of this was going on, except for telling our two children. I wanted no-one else to know (for many, many reasons)! But when the time came when much prayer was needed by many...we only told those whom we knew would truly pray...and they did! God answered our prayers, and NO CANCER was found in ANY of the large or small lumps in either breast! Praise God! I also have much testing and biopsy's to follow up with over the next 2 or 3 years, yet I know the Lord is in control of it all...and I will fear not!

I could not have made it through all of this with out my beloved hubby! I do not think that prior to the last 4 1/2 years I ever fully understood to fullness of meaning in the word...BELOVED! Yet now...I do! And Bob is my Beloved and so much more! More than words can say, more than the heart can ever try to explain! How I Love Him So! How blessed I am!
Although we go through many things in our little lives, to think of having to face each day with out our Lord Jesus Christ...I could not do it!
Well, time here has once again flown by, and now I find myself in need of getting ready for work.
I hope your day is a blessed and Peachy Keen Day!
Love & Prayers,
Ronda
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